Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
