Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
