I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize