I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
