mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
