when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
