please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
