chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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