Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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