What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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