i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
