I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
