whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
