I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
