Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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