So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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