I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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