You made me cry and you don't even care
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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