you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
