I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
