She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We have started to decorate penises.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
