Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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