i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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