I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
