not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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