Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
