dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
