So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
