he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
