My liver just broke up with me...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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