our cab driver is having phone sex.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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