Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
