i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
