Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
