Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize