i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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