i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
