Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
