I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up under a house in Key West
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
