STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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