Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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