some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
