So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
