Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
