Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
