Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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