I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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