i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize