A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
