Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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