does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
