Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Rumble strips road head = magical
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
