I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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