Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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