I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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