Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
