I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
