At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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