I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
