New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
