The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
