did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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