Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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