Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
