...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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