You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She told me I should be a condom model.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
