proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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