Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.