i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
