I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom