Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.