I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.