I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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