jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
