he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
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I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
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Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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