omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
