My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
