You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
