we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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