I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
