Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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