She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
