Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize