It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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