Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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